Lately I've been really down. But this weekend things seemed to almost fall into place. I have no idea what it was. I'm smiling and things just seem so perfect. its one of those things thats impossible to explain  but its worth not understanding. I cant even remember all the reasons i was so frustrated. It nice.
thats it.
except I love you. :D

Its about a month old but i thought it would make a nice addition for tonight.
 
Written and Created by Hannah Brown

Wind’s Song

And so she danced. The sad and discouraged girl danced atop the hill without music in her ears, letting the wind carry her in circles. Her arms, reaching out as if to embrace the world around her, provided what little balance she needed to stay upright as she spun. Her dark auburn hair and pure black dress alike flowed around her like the petals of a tainted rose; opening to the coming moon as apposed to the fleeting sun. The dying grass crunched beneath her bare feet, coating them in a thin layer of pale green dust. She seemed in her element, this girl who danced to no tune other than that of the wind.

From the bottom of the dying hill came a roar, a tigers roar. The brilliant sound cut through the air, subsequently disrupting the wind’s song and the carefree turns of the dancing girl. Losing her footing, the girl tripped and her slender figure crumpled to the ground. Startled out of her wondrous serenity, the girls eyes flew open and her radiantly colored eyes shone in the darkness as they took in the large cat and his keeper. She stared, with her growing fear shining out of violet eyes, down at a white tiger. His lush white coat shone in the twilight, interrupted occasionally by scattered stripes, each, in its own, epitomizing the blackness that an idle mind associated with the night.

The beautiful beast yawned and sat back on his haunches, proving to the girl how large he really was. Sitting down he came up to his companion’s shoulder. His companion, like himself, was a picture of beauty. She stood in the night air, the wind whipping around her as if in needed to sun itself through her flowing blonde hair. Her high cheekbones framed steel blue eyes that shone with the power of someone who has never heard the word no in her life. Covering her voluptuous body, she had a simple cotton shift as white as the fur of her escort. The only color emitted by the dynamic pair was the scarlet of her perfect lips and the blue of her eyes.

The only thing that the girl could do at the sight of them was gasp. Their beauty cut through the night, she had never seen anything quite as beautiful as they were. So she spoke.

“Excuse me.” She flinched, her own quiet voice sounding harsh in the dusk. “Uhm, I don’t meant to be rude, but who are you?”

She received no reply. So she tried again. A little bit louder this time.

“Excuse me, Miss? May I know your name?”

Still no reply.

“Miss! Can you hear me?” she shouted.

In response to her new found strength of voice, a reply thundered through the air, “Young lady! She does not speak. There is no need for you to speak so loudly. She can hear just fine.”

The girl jumped looking frantically around her. The voice had been male, and it seemed familiar but she couldn’t place it. She could neither recall a face nor find a man to attribute the rumbling bass to.

“O come child, you cannot truly expect to find anyone other than Iza and myself. And since she cannot speak as I have told you, then it must be me who speaks. Correct?”

“Surly it cannot be…well it must.” The girl curtsied to the tiger who gave a curt not of his head in response. “May I know your names great one?”

“Please, do not start with the flattery, and there is not need to fear me. I do not eat your kind. And no, you may not know them until we know yours.”

“My name is Violet, sir, on account of my eyes.”

The tiger’s rumbling voice echoed through her mind as he chuckled at her statement. “Humans today are so simple, it amuses me at times, but since you have told us your name I will tell you ours. My name is Mogu and my dear companion is called Isabella.”

Violet slowly walked down the hill to better hold conversation with Mogu and Isabella. When she reached them she received a nod of acknowledgment from Isabella.

“So, how does a human come to be such good friends with an animal?” Violet asked, trying not to sound rude. The concept fascinated her and if she could only have a companion as steadfast as Mogu seemed to be, she could maybe be happy. She had been struggling over the years to find peace within herself and had finally realized that maybe she needed someone else to help her keep balance in her life.

Mogu and Isabella shared a long, thoughtful look and together, slowly turned to look at Violet. She hadn’t noticed before, but their eyes matched in color, both sporting that icy blue-grey. As they stared at her she felt them looking into the depths of her soul, as if by staring at her they would learn all they ever needed to know about her. After what seemed like hours but only lasted minutes, the two shared a look again. They had come to a silent agreement, the only indication being slight nods coming from each of them simultaneously. Without warning the wind picked up again, tousling fur and hair alike. A high tension built in the air around Isabella as she took two steps away from Mogu and Violet.

Isabella’s dress whipped around her as she tilted her head back to the sky to let out a guttural roar. Suddenly the tension, that had become nearly unbearable for Violet, released with a sudden pop. The wind stopped just as suddenly but before Isabella’s dress calmed, it was changing. It ran swiftly over her skin and she changed from the semblance of a human to a beautiful tiger, just like her mate in every way except for an absence of stripes. Her newly donned coat shone in the moonlight surpassing the animalistic beauty of Mogu.

            Violet, once again, fell to her knees in awe. “How,” she whispered.

            “Oh my dear, it is simple really.” The voice that responded rang pure and clear through a mind, it was a new voice. A woman’s voice. “You imagine yourself as your shadow, that is what your animal self is called, and once you have the perfect picture in your mind, the magic takes over.”

            “Isabella, is that you?”

            “Why of course, just because I cannot speak in human form does not mean I cannot as my own shadow. The beauty of shadows is that everyone has one, very few of us know how to embrace them, few of us have the will to embrace our shadows.”

“Oh please,” Violet cried, “teach me to become my shadow. I would do anything”

“Anything?” Mogu and Isabella chorused. They had both adopted a distant look to their eyes, as if reciting from a book. “Child,” they continued in unison “what you must do is search within yourself. Find your shadow. When you have it, picture it in every detail and will yourself into its being. You must be prepared though, you will lose one of your senses in human form, but do not worry, it is one you probably do not use often. For us it was our voices. One thing will help; you are never going to be alone again. Somewhere, right now, there is a man, learning about his shadow just as you have and you will both become one with your shadows simultaneously. This is your soul mate as we are for each other. Look deep child.”

Violet closed her sparkling eyes and looked deep within herself. The wind picked up, the tension rose, and with a sudden release the tension eased and Violet’s dress began to flow. The black cloth covered her skin and soon became glossy feathers. From where Violet had previously been a Pitch black swan took flight into the darkness just as a matching form in white burst into the sky out of the surrounding forest. The two figures met at the peaks of their flights and joined each other in a glorious dive toward the earth below. Pulling out of the freefall at the last moment, they gracefully landed side by side on the grass that crunched underfoot. Upon landing, their feathers flowed once again and the two stood in front of each other in human form.

“I cannot see,” they uttered together, his tenor mixing with he voice in the perfect harmony. They laughed and without needing to see, their lips met in the first kiss of true love.

Isabella turned to Mogu and licked his furred cheek. “And so we have brought a smile to the face of that sad and cheerless girl. Let us go my love, our work here is done.” They turned to leave and with a last glance behind them they saw that the two had made it back to the top of the hill.

And so she danced. The girl danced atop the hill without music in her ears, with not only the wind to guide her in her turns but the strong arms of her newly beloved. She spun gracefully atop the hill in harmony with another who was content to dance without any music but that of the wind’s song.

 

yesterday was an epic day. I'm too tired to really elaborate. my moods changed too fast. tired to satisfied to uncomfortable to happy to bored to hungry to excited to content to nervous to anxious to scared to pissed to frustrated to scared to sad to sad to sadadsadsad to indifferent to apathetic to calm to tierd to happyish to sadish. then i went to sleep. end of my day. :D

todays was badass though, Less and I worked on Stevie, my full sized paper mache unicorn, and we were so high energy and we had so much fun. then i took a three and a half hour nap. good day.

I'm TIRED. Goodnight.

Every one is sad. Or mad. Or frustrated. Or apathetic. Or some odd combination of the four.  Which makes me sad, mad, frustrated and apathetic.

ps like my mentor, the infamous Kitty, i have taken to assigning nicknames to people, using real names makes things scarier.

Cubbie-Has/Had/Will have issues.
Kitty- Same situation as Cubbie.
Sharkie- Too apathetic for his own good.
The Deserted One- Is sad and mad and frustrated because some bitch can't seem to stop torturing her best friend.
The Traveler- Peaceful apathy consumes him, yet its a bit scary to others
Jose-girlsgirlsgirls, though he will never say it, it bugs him.
Volvo- tortured by that one girl who he gave his heart

Funny, the boys except one are all being tortured by some girl who doesn't see what she has.
the remaining three of us have too many issues to count and its in our nature to be a little down sometimes, but we are usually happy except when those around us are upset.. Or when we are alone i think.

this isnt a very interesting post. oh well.

Brain function becomes kind of hectic when you're in love. The overwhelming sensations and the uncontrollable emotions stir up things forgotten. Purposely and accidentally. Like other times you've been in love and nostalgia grows stronger; even if you're perfectly happy. I think the fault is the loss of control. I cant really think properly anymore. Thanks. Being overwhelmed makes you MISS things.

Things I Remember:
The Way He Smells
It Can Wait
Sharkie :P
Kitty
Your Tears
The Traveler
My Tears
Love Triangles
The Pee Spot
His Smile
That One Story
Jose (Pronounced Joe-ssss)
Complete Trust
Your Secrets
Susana's Bite
Crying
Effective Books
Old Best Friends
Their Addictions
Finding Bubbles


Things I Miss:
Sharkie :P
Kitty
The Traveler
Jose (Pronounced Joe-ssss)
Complete Trust
Susana's Bite
Effective Books
Old Best Friends

Things I'd Like to Forget but Cannot:
Their Addictions
Love Triangles
Your Tears
My Tears
Crying
Finding Bubbles
That One Story
Your Secrets




Funny how only two or three people will ever be able to read these lists and understand them completely. <3

i hate it when people are mad at me but for once, im so fucking angry at someone. this particular someone happened to break my heart. twice. well more than twice. but twice recently. how can one person be so fucking cruel? to have to watch your best friend become someone you despise. to want them to stop talking because your stomach twists when they do. to watch them not only fuck themselves over but fuck over the people around him. ugh. i hate you.

i loved you.

I hate you.

I put in my headphones and turned the volume as high as it would go. I closed my eyes. Black. No one else’s sounds. Only mine. Alone.

I sat in a folding chair. My chair sat as a throne atop barren cliffs; cliffs that dropped of to water, thirty feet below. The water reflected the twilight sky making me feel alone in my own blue world. I looked around her. The cliffs were empty. I looked at the water; empty. Nothing alive but me.

The feeling rose, in my throat, clawing to be released. I screamed. I screamed for all that I was worth, a shrill sound piercing the emptiness. I stood, throwing my head back. As I did so, a wind picked up, whipping my blonde hair around my face. I began to run out of breath and I brought my scream to a halt. I inhaled and prepared to cry out once again but the urge left me. In a wave of relief it left but in its place was a different urge. I spun around slowly and stared out at the water, a mirror of blue glass spreading to the horizon. I had to jump. The only thing in my mind was jumping, off that cliff and into the cool water below. I walked to the edge and flung myself over the edge. I fell. As I neared the water, it pulled away and I was left to fall into blackness. I reached back towards the cliff, my cliff, and the safety of my chair. Falling isn’t bad. It’s the sudden stop at the end that kills you. And with that thought, I landed. I landed in the soft, fragrant embrace of rose petals. I let myself sink into them, my body being covered in the velvet scent. I closed my eyes.

What’s that? Something was running down my arm. I lifted my arm and saw a trickle of crimson offset the white of my skin. The roses are leaking. I thought, but I knew better. Blood. As soon as that word crossed my mind, the individuals that made up my blanket melted together to become one. One heavy pressing embrace; their scent replaced by the metallic tang of fresh blood. I took a deep breath just before my head went under. I screamed and blood filled my mouth. Get out. Get out. Get the FUCK out of this shit! That was all I could think, and suddenly I was on my feet. Dripping. It only went up to my ankles, how had it been so deep? I took a step. The pool around me got shallower. I took another step. I began to walk, slowly, out of the wet.  I ran. I ran until I was on dry land and a good ten feet from the edge of, what I saw now, was an ocean of blood. It shone thick and red. Fresh.

I tore my gaze from the sight before me and checked my surroundings. That’s when I saw her. A girl, sitting cross legged with her head in her hands. I took a step towards her and she looked up. Her eyes were a startling shade of violet. As I held eye contact with her a look crossed her face and she began to heave. She sat on the ground, dry heaving at first, but soon she was throwing up blood. She threw up wave after wave of crimson blood that simply ran down and joined the preexisting ocean. She kept eye contact all the while. She heaved and heaved, and slowly, the color drained from her face. From her eyes. Before long she was back to dry heaving but no color remained in her body. She lay on the ground, shivering and alone, staring at me. She died. Right in front of me. And at that moment I realized that she was not in front of me, but beside me.

I opened my eyes and cast her a sidelong glance. Still ignoring me, weather she wanted to or not.

I got up and moved, across the room. I lay down on a stretch of chairs and buried my face into my arms, willing myself not to cry.

A hand touched my back. Was it her? No she was dead, isn’t that what I had just learned? No she was across the room. Yes she was across the room, it wasn’t her. It wasn’t her. And that thought is what made me lose it.

 

It wasn’t her.

          Bella stepped into the bathroom and locked the door with a satisfying click. She backed herself up against the wall, sliding down until she lay splayed on the cold tiles. Pressing her feverish forehead against the floor, she sank into remembrance; to the night when her life was shattered. Struck, hammer to glass, and no turning back. Goodbyes were always impossible for Bella; especially when the person being let go was to leave her with beautiful scars and the grief of death for a person, still alive.  

            Bella scanned the crowd of her lingering peers and caught the eye of the boy who had been with her since the beginning. He politely ended his farewell with someone else to come and consume her in a hug that put all others to shame. His touch brought forth new tears to spill over Bella, wetting the boy's shoulder. He held her tight and warm in his arms until she was done; tears of his own sliding down his face. Bella looked up into his unforgettable brown eyes and whispered "Thank you, Aiden." In response he bent down and kissed her. He kissed her as tenderly and passionately as their first time, over again. When they pulled away both wore wet faces, knowing that times were soon to change. The final time he would fill her with a single kiss; their ending embrace.

Despondently, Aiden and Bella walked together to the outskirts of the crowd. Aiden looked at Bella with true despair. His expression spoke it:

          This is it, Bella. I'm leaving.  

         Aiden stepped forward and he carefully removed the bracelet that was snug on his wrist. A platinum chain with two letters engraved into one of its simple links: AE.  Aiden Evans.  He took his one adornment and fastened it around Bella's delicate, shaking left wrist. Without words he turned and walked away, opening the passenger door of a black Lexus, and ducking inside silently. The car drove off, taking Bella’s heart with it.

          The car turned a last corner and was out of sight. Aiden was gone.
          Aiden's last footsteps echoed through Bella. Rising from her reverie, Bella whipped away newly awakened tears.

          Solitude seemed to force an exhale, and Bella couldn't control the image of a caring and handsome, but dampened face playing ghost in her head; delivering shivers she couldn't explain.

          That memory had stayed silent for so long. She had buried it, choked it back with sleepless nights, hoping for it to never rear its cold and heart wrenching head again. It was only as Bella was nearing on sobs that she first heard it; the unsettling noise. 
          She sat up; there were footsteps, carrying from her past into the chilling present. Someone was in the house. Her parents weren't due for five hours; it was impossible for them to be there... Bella stiffened. Whatever was in her house was not supposed to be there.
         She dragged herself up and cautiously, almost trembling, she unlocked the bathroom door. With a quick shove, she swung it open.

          ...Only herself; empty stairs and an empty hall. Yet the faint footsteps remained. Bella made the slightest movement, but felt it was a horribly dangerous decision. Squeezing her lungs silent, she snuck past the stairs; stiffly and soundlessly. Something was behind her; prying eyes. Suddenly frantic, she spun to look down the stairs; once again, no one was there.
          Omnipresent footsteps repeated; an echo, yet from somewhere downstairs sounded the murmur of a low male voice. Bella felt desperate, she sped down the stairs and bolted into her family room. No one. She continued her search, increasingly frantic, to the kitchen, until she had searched the entire bottom floor of their house. There was absolutely no one there. Yet...as she began to feel embarrassed, the male voice spoke.
          "My dear child, you know who I am. Look at you! Pitiful!" the voice paused, Bella swore she heard laughter. "Oh...and so you know?" it continued, "He never loved you."

          The words stopped Bella in her tracks. The voice.....the voice couldn't be talking about Aiden.

          "Oh, Bella, it's crazy! To think he loved you? No....No, no." there was a heavy breath, "No... I’d have given it up by now, if I were you."
          Bella began to shake, like she did every time she thought about him. How could this person, this voice, know her suspicion?  
          "Bella," it called again, taunting her. "You drove him away."
          "Shut up!" Bella screamed. "Get out of my head; get out of my god damned house!"
          "Keep calm, Aiden wouldn't like the way you're treating me," the voice replied smugly.
          At the sound of his name, Bella let out a shrill scream and slapped hands to her face to block the tears from streaming from her grey eyes.
          "I don't..... know who you are, but get out of my house," she spluttered. "Get away from me. Leave me alone."
          Yet the voice didn't relent. "I can't leave; I have to make you remember. You need to remember, Bella."
          "No I don't want to remember. Get out!"
          "Oh you silly girl, what don't you want to remember? That everything you thought about Aiden was a lie? That you, dear, made him leave?"
          By then, Bella had wept into hysterics, and was heaving, powerlessly fighting back her sobs. The urge to scream choking her. Bella ran to the kitchen and yanked open a drawer. Out of the drawer she pulled a ten-inch, stainless steel, cutting knife. With her weapon she turned and screamed through her sobs.
          "Get out now! I'll kill you, right now!" she inhaled violently, "Just stop it and leave! I'll kill you I swear!"
         The voice replied rather amused. "Bella, you're not going to kill me. Aiden wouldn't want you to do that. Though...." it said slyly, "I know what he would want you to do."
          "No, I uh-" Bella gasped, "just please….Stop saying his name." Crumpling to the floor, Bella could no longer control the violent convulsing of her stomach and the shakes that wracked her entire body.
          The voice sighed, "No, no I can't do that, Bella, but I can make it so you'll never hear me again. Just do what Aiden would want."
          Bella whimpered. She had done so much to escape the memory of Aiden but she had failed. She had failed to keep him and she had failed to forget him. She was neck deep in poor choices, and once gorgeous, now withered chances.
          The voice seemed to know this; "Don't kill me Bella," it persisted, "Kill yourself, do it and it will be done with. Take your knife and shove it into your pathetic little heart. Don’t worry; no one would really miss you. Certainly not him, he would be better of without you in this world."
          Bella stared down at the knife; silently pleading to giver her the security she couldn't have. Would it really be that simple? One quick moment of pain to never think about him again? Never have to cry herself to sleep over those....

          Memories of gold....

          Failures.
          "Do it Bella. Be done with it and let him go."
Tears returned and cascaded from her eyes, down her tortured face. Bella eyed the knife once again. She took it in both hands and gradually twisted the blade to face her own heart. It'll just go straight through, there's room enough for another wound in the already...uncontrollable...

          Failure

          She raised the knife and right as she was about to burry the knife into her chest when she noticed a figure in the doorway. The last person she ever expected to see.
          His beauty hadn't changed, just as he was when he left her. His curly blonde hair still gorgeous, and the way he wore tight shirts to show off his swimmers body; he never wore a belt but his pants always fit perfectly. As she studied him further, she noticed that something was different. His crooked smile was gone and his bright, russet, eyes equally missed happiness, they were fearful. Regardless of how scared he looked Bella knew, just knew, that it was a widow's mirage. He couldn't possibly be back, yet beyond all reason, truly, there he stood. 
          "You" she croaked, "How could you do this to me? I thought you....I thought you...." she couldn't finish.
          "Bella," Aiden whispered, "What happened to you? Of course I…." he swallowed his own oncoming sobs. "Bella, I can't even explain how I.....Bella I Love you."
          Bella drowned in his eyes one last time, feeling his kiss from miles away. Yet all sweet things turned to disgust; she would finish the twisted game. She looked at her left wrist where the platinum chain bracelet hung loosely. It flashed in the dim fluorescent lights, as she turned her hand, slightly side to side. She moved the knife to her left hand and opened the bracelet's clasp with her right; sliding off the undying reminder of the one person she would have died for, she wrapped the chain around the handle of the knife, and slowly raised it once again.
          "I would have died for you," she said hysterically, "Aiden...." she hesitated, "now I will die because of you."
          Bella raised the knife as high as she could and closed her eyes, she brought the blade down as hard as she could and when she was six inches from penetrating her warm body she heard a voice.
          "NO. Bella!" Aiden shouted. The startling terror and anguish in his voice made her falter. Bella tried to stop herself but it was too late, the cold steel sank into her flesh and drove deep past her chest, meeting open air. Bella looked down at her wound, a slow stream of crimson trailed town her chest to be soaked up by her white tank.
          Aiden was at her side in a moment.
          "Bella!" he cried, "Bella No, you can't do this to me. Stay with me, I'll get you to the hospital, I…I promise, just don't die."
         “He was wrong,” Bella let out a choking laugh. "I must have been...silly to believe him; I knew you loved me."
          "Who? Who's he?" Aiden's voice was strained.
          Bella smiled, nearly lifeless. “A fool." That's all she was able to get out before she slid from consciousness.
          Aiden stared at her, utterly useless and speechless, yet the silence was broken by two words.
          "Goodbye Bella," a gruff voice called from across the house, and the front door slammed. Outside, an engine growled and tires screeched as a car made its quick escape.
          Aiden was on the phone faster than he knew what to think. "Hello, 911? Yes we just had a suicide attempt. No, no, no, I don't know how long she will last, God damn it she's bleeding like nothing I’ve ever seen.... We need an ambulance now." He was shaking.
          Aiden looked down at Bella. Guilt came, massive and unstable, placing itself in his eyes, and then falling down his entire body.   He picked up her unconscious body and held her as guilt washed over him in a flood of pain.

          He put his lips to hers. His panic barely contained, as he shut his eyes tight. The kiss he gave her was as if it could be like before. But she was cold.

          How could he fail her?

 

Aiden looked into the cold blue eyes of his love. Bella lay in his arms barely breathing, her staggered breaths getting weaker and weaker as the seconds dragged on. Her lungs gave up; a final struggle to quench the thirst for oxygen. Her heart stopped; a final attempt to circulate that which was not present.

Bella died.

Bella died with a smile, but left Aiden without the ability.

Bella died with the knowledge that he had loved her but killed herself to forget it.

Bella left Aiden stranded. She left him submerged in a surge of eternal grief. Aiden was free falling through his own personal hell. Aiden’s mind was plagued with thoughts of blame. He had come too late to save her. She had taken her life because of him. He had killed her.

What have I done? How could my failure be so completely absolute to have allowed myself to lose the one I love? To let her die in my arms, to have let her slip away from me. When will the memory of her smile as she lost her last holds on life fade from my mind? It haunts me, I dream of her but only to find that I cannot fully remember her. Her peaceful smile stands out in my mind; yet her liquid voice fades. A sight that could stop me in my tracks fades from my memory. As if it had not held tyrannical rule over my every thought of every moment we spent apart. It is my fault that she is gone, she said so before………before it happened. Oh I miss her. I miss her so badly.

Aiden was attacked by grief. Days after, he was still despondent. Aiden brushed away the beginnings of an oncoming wave of tears but decided the better of it. He would embrace his sorrow; he allowed tears to spill from his tightly closed eyes and snake their way down his face to spatter on the photo in front of him. He opened his bloodshot eyes to see her, in his arms, her head thrown back in captured laughter. The sight of her smile sent shivers of pain throughout his dejected body. He would never again experience such joy. Another flood of self-pity encompassed him and he shrank back to drown in a pool of pain and sorrow.

Gone. Forever.

Never could they spend hours together, just to be together. He left her alone and when he could no longer bear the separation, he retuned. He returned to watch her live the last final moments of her life. Watch her pain turn to joy as she was wrenched from the clutching grasp of his heart and thrown into the unknown.

Aiden was pulled up for air, a breath to slow the inevitable result of drowning. He was temporarily rescued by a simple verse of a simple song.

Hey Jude,

don’t make it bad

take a sad song

and make it better

remember

to let her into your heat

then you can start

to make it better.

The sincerity and love in the undertone of the song sent Aiden spinning from misery to anger and he began to go into hysterics.

Through tears of frustration he shouted to no one in particular, “Oh, yeah! Let her in? I did that. It didn’t make it better, it fucked me over. I can’t even walk down the street without her on my mind. Fuck this. Fuck me. Fuck you!” He picked up a binder from his desk and flung it at his stereo. It hit home, sending papers flying into the air, but still the song persisted. He could not stand the fact that anything could suggest that happiness was achievable. It wasn’t true.

“Every time something goes right,” he mumbled. “Something is there to fuck it up for you. Weather it’s someone else or yourself---” Aiden could no longer hold himself together. “It’s all my fault, she did it because of me--” he trailed off. He sank into further despair, no longer caring to hide his sobs. Aiden succumbed to the violent heaves that shook his body. And once again the timeless song reached him through the anguish that shrouded his senses.

 

Through his sobs he desperately sang along;

“Hey Jude,

Don’t let me down
you have found her

now go and get her
remember,

to let her into your heart
then you can start

to make it better.

Na na na nananana nananana. Hey Jude.” He could go on no longer. Hysteria overtook him as he collapsed to the floor, crippled by grief. Once again he let sorrow pull him under the surface. He lay on his cold concrete floor and cried himself dry.

Gone gone gone. Bella, the one girl who I would have done anything for, gone. What the hell? They say life isn’t fair, I never thought they actually meant it. Missing someone doesn’t bring them back, but I still miss her anyway. Fuck, Bella, I miss you---

For the twenty second day in a row, Aiden fell asleep without another tear to shed, without a grain of hope left in his entire being. Once again, he fell asleep drowning.